I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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