She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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