I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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