The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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