its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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