you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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