Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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