we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
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So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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