You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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