You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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