He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize