You're my little dorito
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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