My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
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I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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