I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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