The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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