Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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