Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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