Are we in a gay sports bar?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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