How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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