im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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