Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
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So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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