At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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