she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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