He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
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She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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