Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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