we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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