threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize