I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize