so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
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It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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