I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
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I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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