That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize