It was confusing and full of hummus
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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