Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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