I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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