then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i now understand why vodka
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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