1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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