I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize