In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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