I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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