Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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