Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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