Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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