You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My nipple is on Facebook.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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