If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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