weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
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just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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