No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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