You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
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he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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