i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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