I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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