I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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