the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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